wakey wakey hands off snakey
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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