That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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