Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
