God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He passed out mid-signature
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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