i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
