Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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