so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
