I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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