I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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