I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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