She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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