Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
