I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
