My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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