hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
