Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
