I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
