I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
