I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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