Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
