I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
