Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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