so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I need a burrito and a hug.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
