Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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