im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)