carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize