I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over