smell my finger.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
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