Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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