I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
