just tell him i said nine months
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
