if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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