oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
