It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
