Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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