saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize