I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
