I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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