Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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