So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
