Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
