i jhust puked up my retainher.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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