So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize