the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
