i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
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antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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