she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
