....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
