No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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