I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
