can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
