im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
they're like a gay fantastic four
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
