SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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