so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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