Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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