I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
