the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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