How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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