dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
did i walk over a car last night?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
