Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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