i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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