Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
