I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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