Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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