A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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