1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't think brook has ever known best
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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