if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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