If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
