I need help removing her.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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