No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
