So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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