Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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