The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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