you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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